I decided to honor Chief Osceola by watching a film about the Seminole Indian tribe. I chose to go with the first result that Google blessed me with, and it was a flick from 1951 called "Distant Drums." I know some great things were happening in the 50s..actually two of my favorite things. Big Cars & Big Women. I figured my odds of seeing both in this film were slim being that it takes place during the 1840s but ..I could hope..which I did.
Immediately, I'm greeted with perfectly cadenced kisses on my eardrums by the smooth baritoned narrator. Call me what you will but my immediate thought was this Indian sounds pretty white to me. Then I get my first sight of him - he isn't moving his lips but his skin tone and frame match the narrator and his actions to a t. Naturally, I assumed Google would know my honorable intentions and give me the PRO-First Nation, Native American, Indian centered film that I wanted in my heart of hearts, but holy racism I was wrong.
I'm only 4 minutes in and up pops an Indian(with multi-colored face paint) just behind a bush only 10ft away from the narrator and quick as a grasshopper on the Mississippi turnpike the narrator draws his sword out.
Quiz: What weapon is this Indian aiming at the narrator and his Daniel Boone-esk guide; bow-n-arrow, tomahawk, rifle, or slingshot?
Answer: E:-Just his face
Yes, 10ft away, a painted face emerges from behind a palm frond and the main actor (at this point) immediately pulls his sword out. Luckily, D.Boone says "nah, that a creek Indian from Georgia-way they a friendly."
-PHEW! REDEMPTION! - Maybe it won't be anti-Indian after all.
"Hey Charlie" - D.Boone says to the Indian. They initiate what I assume is a greeting the white man taught the Indian aka THE HAND SHAKE.
After 4 or 5 up and downs D.Boone takes his other hand and pries their hands apart.
D.Boone looks back at Whitey McSword and says exhaustively -
"SHAKING HANDS WITH AN INGEN IS LIKE PUMPING OIL!"
Literally the only thing missing from this scene was the camera to zoom in on his goofy face and a slide whistle sound effect.
"Injens smell gamey Captain, they rub their bodies with skunk to keep off the flies"
WHATTT!!! C'MON!...Back to Back!
This guy is killing it.There are reports that when this debuted in theaters so many knees were slapped out of pure elation that a sound was created rivaling the eruption of Krakatoa. It is reported that the sound deafened people within a small radius and circled the globe 3 times.
The movie actually never shows a positive quality about the Seminoles besides possibly their stamina..for some reason most shots have them running stealthily through the frame wearing bright colors and so so many very loud and heavy necklaces.
I was comforted knowing that this film may fade and probably be forgotten as we move forward in time because it has no real distinction or importance (besides showing blatant racism) ...HOWEVER...
While looking up a hilarious alligator scene, hoping to make a gif from it, my Google betrays me again. It auto-completed 2 words after I type Distant Drums that I never expected to see.
Prepare yourself- Here is what I read; "Distant Drums Wilhelm Scream"
There is not a single sound in film that has been sampled more than the Wilhelm Scream and it came from this movie, this racist, stupid movie is the origin of a scream heard by basically anyone with a t.v.
-God Bless- 1 Brain for the Scream
|dedicated to half of midnight listener: A Ingram|”mvto”